I can't really believe I forgot about this place. I always liked coming here and journaling. There's just so much that has happened lately and I haven't really gotten a chance to comprehend it all. I'll start at the beginning since that is the easiest way to do things. A few years ago I started dating someone that I had met on NWN. I really liked this guy and felt like he was really good for me. He was helping me through a lot of the feelings that my son's father left me with. I had felt so alone before that and he helped get rid of that, but there was a catch. He was already dating someone, and had kids. He never really told me he loved me and I suspected that the reasons he was with me was because he wasn't feeling enough love or attention at home. After a while I told him I couldn't really be with him anymore because I couldn't put my life on hold in the event that nothing would ever change, and it would be bad for my son as well. So then almost immediately after that had ended I met someone else.
This man, he was so good for me and my son. He was loving and giving and my son really started loving him. But, like all of the guys I date he also had a, well, catch. He was from like 5 states away and has 3 kids. I love his kids, and they became a part of my life and my son really loves them as well. But, as you can notice, I am speaking in past tense. About 2 months ago he told me that he was going to be moving back home so that he can be with his kids. He would get all set up down there and get a job and a place to live and would like for me to move down there with him. I know that I need to be with him, and that it's best for my son but moving away from the only home that I have ever known and seeing as my son is autistic and despises change, that would be a lot for him to go through as well even if that would be easier for him to take than having the man who ever really was there for him be gone forever. So I am just sitting here, feeling a bit lonely and confused as well as exhausted from my near anguish keeping me up at night.